he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
