I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
