I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
