Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
