i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
