you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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