I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
