I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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