He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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