im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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