i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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