I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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