So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
