So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
