the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize