So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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