You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
