Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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