Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
