They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
