i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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