Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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