I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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