The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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