True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
