My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
