The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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