i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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