mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
