Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
