why im i the only drunk person in the library?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize