Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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