I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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