I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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