So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
