I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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