why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
