Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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