I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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