well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
