I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
