I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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