Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize