Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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