You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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