Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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