so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
