So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
