I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
