Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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