I accidentally had phone sex last night
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
