Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
