Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
