Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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