No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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