i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize