Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
