nut hugger
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
