Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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