Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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