Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
