Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize