i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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