what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
