I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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