creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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